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To prepare for his big date with a new blonde girl, a young man went to the rooftop of his apartment building to work on his tan. Not wanting any tan lines, he sunbathed in the nude. Unfortunately, he fell asleep and sunburned his penis. Being very determined, he decided not to miss his date with the hot blonde, so, he put some ointment on the beast and wrapped it in gauze.
The young man's date, a beautiful blonde, showed up at his apartment for the promised home cooked meal, and was treated to a feast. After they finished with the dinner they went into the living room to watch a movie. During the movie, the young man's sunburn began to hurt. After several minutes of extreme discomfort he asked to be excused. A friend had told him that milk was very effective in reducing sunburn pain. So he went to the kitchen, poured a tall glass of cold milk, and placed his sunburned member into the milk.
He experienced immediate relief .
The blonde, wondering what the young man was doing, wandered into the kitchen and found him with his "tool" immersed in the glass of milk.
With a look of understanding the Blonde exclaimed,
"SO, THAT'S HOW YOU LOAD THOSE THINGS!"
from Jo. Jo's Mailing List |
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The BMW
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A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly. She says, "What's the story?" He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor." She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"
From Jo Noone. |
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Milk Maid
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A blonde heard that milk baths would make her beautiful. She left a note for her milkman to leave 15 gallons of milk. When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 1.5 gallons so he knocked on the door to clarify the point. The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, "I found your note to leave 15 gallons of milk. Did you mean 1.5 gallons?" The blonde said, "I need to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath." The milkman asked, "Do you want it Pasteurized?" The blonde said, "No, just up to my boobs, I can splash it in my eyes." |
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State Capitals
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There was a blonde who was tired of everybody saying she was stupid, so she decided to memorize the capitals of every state. Six months passed and she finally got them all memorized.
Then she walked into a bar yelling, "I know the capitals of every state!"
One guy yelled back, "Oh yeah, what's the capital of Wyoming?"
"W." replied the blonde.
From DPS Perth |
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Time out
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A girl was visiting her blonde friend who had acquired two dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.
Her friend said, "Who ever heard of someone naming dogs like that?"
"HellOOO," answered the blonde. "They're watch dogs."
Email from Marlene.  |
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The Exam
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The blonde reported for her university final examination that consists of yes/no type questions. She takes her seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes and then, in a fit of inspiration, takes out her purse, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin, marking the answer sheet:
Yes, for Heads, and No, for Tails.
Within half an hour she is all done, whereas the rest of the class is still sweating it out. During the last few minutes she is seen desperately throwing the coin, muttering and sweating. The supervisor, alarmed, approaches her and asks what is going on. "I finished the exam in half an hour, but now I'm rechecking my answers."
Emaild from Marlene. |
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Vacuum
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A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"
She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"
Email from Marlene.  |
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Knitting
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A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, he cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULL OVER!"
"NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"
Email from Marlene. |
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The River
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A blonde goes out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank.
"Yoo-hoo!" she shouts, "How can I get to the other side?"
The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts, "You ARE on the other side."
Email from Marlene. |
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